FIBROMYALGIA
I read somewhere once that fibromyalgia syndrome (a.k.a. FMS) was generated by a person’s inability to complete a burning desire. It sure feels like it. It burns. A lot. I like to describe it like having a sunburn that is so exquisitely painful that clothing is too painful, the wind generated by a fan burns. A sunburn feels a little better every day. In FMS the burning gets a little hotter every day. Remember the last time you did heavy exercise and had a burning ache in your muscles the following days? Remember the burning lessened a little every day? FMS gets a little hotter, and a little deeper everyday.
The pain of FMS gets so deep inside that thinking hurts. Feeling emotions hurts. Lights artificial and natural hurt. Sound hurts. Sleeping hurts. Sitting, walking, standing, moving and even making love hurt.
Aside from being in a relationship that was not working and feeling trapped in it, unable to move out on my own, my life was pretty good. One day I was fired from my job after being interrogated by two FBI agents and told to get a lawyer. Lots of money was missing and I had been framed by my best friend. My life fell apart. I fell apart.
My body shut down. My mind exploded and two years later I was officially Temporally Totally Physically Disabled with stress induced Fibromyalgia syndrome. My roommate at the time would often have to help me out of bed and onto the Lazyboy recliner in front of the television. My girlfriend and I were still trying to make it work living apart and she would often come over to put spoonful after spoonful of soup or broth gently into my mouth. I would move my tongue ever so slowly to try to swallow, every movement of the tongue and throat feeling like a thousand red-hot needles. I couldn’t laugh or cry because the movements generated by both were too painful.
This went on for about two years, the most painful, miserable days of my life, and at the same time, the best thing that could have ever happened to me. FMS became my best friend, confidant, teacher and guide. If I did something that was not good for me I paid dearly for it. When I made the correct changes at the right time and in the right direction I felt my life slowly come back to me.
Over the years many people, students, friends and clients alike, have asked me how I got over FMS. I have been contacted by people who have FMS and who just want to see if its true that I am well now because like me they were told that there is no cure. Thanks to all those who have asked me I have spent many hours finding the answer and refining that answer. I have also come to see how “getting over it” involved very many small changes over a period of self-discovery that still continues.
The one thing that must happen in order for one with the FMS label to “get over it” is to stop trying to “GET OVER IT” and start working on being well. Being well requires many things, most important of which is to take charge of ones health. Many studies show that the best treatment for FMS is education. Education that promotes health and healing by teaching one about how, what and when to eat, how to move effortlessly and efficiently, and how to do what we came here to do.
According to what I have learned while “getting over it” we all have a dream to manifest. When we were born we were born with a purpose, we came here To Be. To Be What? The closer one gets to that knowledge the better ones life is. The further one gets from that knowledge the more one goes against the current, the more turbulence one encounters, and the more one gets tossed this way and that, and the more the tossing hurts. The desire to Be becomes a burning desire that consumes one from the inside.
So what did I do to heal from FMS? I changed the way I eat and the way I move. I watched. I paid attention. When I hurt, I noticed patterns. When I changed those patterns, I hurt less.
Now, almost twenty years later, I am very happily married with my best friend and the greatest teacher I could ever have. We do Iyengar yoga with on of the most advanced instructors with the well-earned reputation of being intense in his practice and in his ability to hearten and inspire one to be intense in ones practice. I teach holistic health, massage, bodywork, healthy eating and movement, and I have a private practice where I integrate all these into a healing regimen.
Why Fibro-MY-algia? Because I believe that it is mine, I am the only one that can do anything about it. No one can eat for me or chew for me. No doctor or therapist can ever do it. The moment I Take responsibility for my well-being, I am already better. It is MY fibromyalgia.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Appropriate Pressure
“Get in there”, “I have a high pain tolerance”, “I’ve had Rolfing so don’t worry about going too deep”, “I just want you to get in there and break things up”, “You can go deeper”.
How many times have I heard the phrase “go deeper” while giving a massage? Too many times. Way too many times.
Why????????
Why go deeper??????????
The majority of clients that request deeper work ask for Deep Tissue massage. When I ask them if this type of work has given them good results, there is usually a blank look on their faces. Then they say something about having had Deep Tissue massage and thinking that it was good for them because it got really deep, and it hurt so good.
No pain, no gain. Right? Of course. If what you want is to build muscle tissue, like a bodybuilder does. In this case you have to feel the burn, you have to tear muscle tissue so you can make more and make the muscle grow. When you are bodybuilding it is true, no pain no gain. This is not appropriate in massage or body work. This no pain no gain approach to treating the body in building muscle has its own place and implications. More on this in another posting.
Most people that request Deep Tissue massage have never had it! They only think they have. They have been receiving full body deep painful massage that lasts an hour. One long agonizing hour for those truly in pain like most people who have been branded with Fibromyalgia Syndrome. One hour in which they may have been told, several times, to breath through or into the pain. Then they are sore for several days.
I once had a client who wanted me to work on her two times a week for the month that her regular massage therapist was going to be out of town. She had been receiving “deep tissue” massage twice a week for the last four years for a painful area in the middle of her upper back. As long as she had her hour-long massage she said she was fine.
While I was setting up for our second visit, she politely told me that my bodywork wasn’t working for her. I thanked her for her honesty and politeness, and apologized. Then I asked her if she would please tell me what wasn’t working so that I might learn from the experience.
“I wasn’t in pain after you worked on me. Usually I hurt for a day or two after my massage. With you, I didn’t feel it.” She said.
I was stunned. I had been doing bodywork and massage for a couple of years and never had I heard anything like what she had just said.
“What about your back?” I asked. Now she looked stunned. I will never forget the blank look on her face.
“Well” she said, “now that you mention it” as she twisted and contorted her back in different directions “I haven’t noticed it, and it doesn’t hurt now.”
This was the beginning of a therapist-client relationship that lasted for several years. During the time that we worked together she would often tell me that she was still in disbelieve that deeper did not have to hurt, and she would cringe at the thought of having the kind of work that she used to have.
Part of my responsibility to my clients, my students and my profession is to educate others about massage and bodywork within the holistic health model and way of life.
It is important for us to understand that pain is one way our body tries to tell us something is wrong. Some may argue against the body having consciousness and intelligence to tell us anything, and to make the judgment that something is wrong. This is the same consciousness and intelligence that tells us something is wrong when we put our hand to a fire, or when we smash a finger or cut ourselves. If there is pain, something is wrong. Something has to be fixed. Something has to be done. Pain equals danger. Something has to be either taken away or removed, or escaped away from.
Danger has no place in a massage.
When your massage or bodywork is so “deep” that it is making you tighten and protect, or that you have to breath through, or that leaves you hurting for days, ask yourself what good this is doing.
Massage and bodywork can send one of two messages to your nervous system. Message one is that no matter how much you hurt, you are not that bad off since you can experience more pain. Now your normal state of being becomes a welcome relief, a familiar place that all life activities revolve around. Pain, and the avoidance of pain have become the norm.
The other type of message is quite different. This one tells your nervous system that no matter how much you hurt, you are not that bad. This message lets your experience less pain. In the worst-case scenario, you may experience a little less pain during your massage and more comfort. This, to someone in pain is a blessing. Even if the sensation is better only for a short time during the session. Once comfort has been experienced, it can become the norm.
Learning to use appropriate pressure is challenging and requires long-term dedication and devotion. Those that really love the healing arts, and to whom conscious touch is a way of life, after much work, will learn appropriate pressure.
How many times have I heard the phrase “go deeper” while giving a massage? Too many times. Way too many times.
Why????????
Why go deeper??????????
The majority of clients that request deeper work ask for Deep Tissue massage. When I ask them if this type of work has given them good results, there is usually a blank look on their faces. Then they say something about having had Deep Tissue massage and thinking that it was good for them because it got really deep, and it hurt so good.
No pain, no gain. Right? Of course. If what you want is to build muscle tissue, like a bodybuilder does. In this case you have to feel the burn, you have to tear muscle tissue so you can make more and make the muscle grow. When you are bodybuilding it is true, no pain no gain. This is not appropriate in massage or body work. This no pain no gain approach to treating the body in building muscle has its own place and implications. More on this in another posting.
Most people that request Deep Tissue massage have never had it! They only think they have. They have been receiving full body deep painful massage that lasts an hour. One long agonizing hour for those truly in pain like most people who have been branded with Fibromyalgia Syndrome. One hour in which they may have been told, several times, to breath through or into the pain. Then they are sore for several days.
I once had a client who wanted me to work on her two times a week for the month that her regular massage therapist was going to be out of town. She had been receiving “deep tissue” massage twice a week for the last four years for a painful area in the middle of her upper back. As long as she had her hour-long massage she said she was fine.
While I was setting up for our second visit, she politely told me that my bodywork wasn’t working for her. I thanked her for her honesty and politeness, and apologized. Then I asked her if she would please tell me what wasn’t working so that I might learn from the experience.
“I wasn’t in pain after you worked on me. Usually I hurt for a day or two after my massage. With you, I didn’t feel it.” She said.
I was stunned. I had been doing bodywork and massage for a couple of years and never had I heard anything like what she had just said.
“What about your back?” I asked. Now she looked stunned. I will never forget the blank look on her face.
“Well” she said, “now that you mention it” as she twisted and contorted her back in different directions “I haven’t noticed it, and it doesn’t hurt now.”
This was the beginning of a therapist-client relationship that lasted for several years. During the time that we worked together she would often tell me that she was still in disbelieve that deeper did not have to hurt, and she would cringe at the thought of having the kind of work that she used to have.
Part of my responsibility to my clients, my students and my profession is to educate others about massage and bodywork within the holistic health model and way of life.
It is important for us to understand that pain is one way our body tries to tell us something is wrong. Some may argue against the body having consciousness and intelligence to tell us anything, and to make the judgment that something is wrong. This is the same consciousness and intelligence that tells us something is wrong when we put our hand to a fire, or when we smash a finger or cut ourselves. If there is pain, something is wrong. Something has to be fixed. Something has to be done. Pain equals danger. Something has to be either taken away or removed, or escaped away from.
Danger has no place in a massage.
When your massage or bodywork is so “deep” that it is making you tighten and protect, or that you have to breath through, or that leaves you hurting for days, ask yourself what good this is doing.
Massage and bodywork can send one of two messages to your nervous system. Message one is that no matter how much you hurt, you are not that bad off since you can experience more pain. Now your normal state of being becomes a welcome relief, a familiar place that all life activities revolve around. Pain, and the avoidance of pain have become the norm.
The other type of message is quite different. This one tells your nervous system that no matter how much you hurt, you are not that bad. This message lets your experience less pain. In the worst-case scenario, you may experience a little less pain during your massage and more comfort. This, to someone in pain is a blessing. Even if the sensation is better only for a short time during the session. Once comfort has been experienced, it can become the norm.
Learning to use appropriate pressure is challenging and requires long-term dedication and devotion. Those that really love the healing arts, and to whom conscious touch is a way of life, after much work, will learn appropriate pressure.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
What Happens When We Receive A Massage?
A description of the possible benefits of receiving massage can be found in any good book on the subject. This would probably mention benefits to the lymphatic system and the circulation of blood, improved digestion and elimination, hormone secretion and joint function. You may also find references to feelings of wellbeing, self-esteem and an ability to cope with stress more efficiently and to experience it less often. All of these are natural and secondary.
In the 13 years that I have been providing massage I have observed another benefit, the one that I consider to be the most important. I like to describe it as a process of integration.
Many of us come to the Holistic Health Practitioner or to the massage table with varying degrees of a lack of this process of integration. Many of us are actually living a daily process of dissociation and disintegration where we learn to “grin and bear it” and that “no pain, no gain”.
Sometimes we need help and we quickly find tools to help us. We learn how nice and easy it is to grin after a drink or two, or after indulging in other guilty pleasures. When it is not alcohol, it is our prescription meds for this and that, or we might self-medicate with dessert, or a good run or a nice smoke, or maybe even sex or aspirin. Anything that will help us to connect with something other than what we are trying to grin and bear at.
We learn how to stay medicated so efficiently that we cannot only ‘grin’ at, we can also ‘bear’ our lives. We have learned to keep our emotions in check, keep our opinions to ourselves, learned to do it and like it, and keep it all inside: if it doesn’t kill us, it will make us stronger. Right? The more we keep inside, the heavier the load we have to bear, and the more tired we become, and the more we hurt from the weight, and the more tings we have to grin and bear at, and the more meds we need and the more side effects.
By the time we come to massage table we don’t even know what hurts. It is common at the beginning of the Client Therapist relationship for many clients to indicate that they have no pain before their first massage. After that first massage that same client will proceed to tell the therapist about all the areas that don’t hurt now or that hurt less. Remember that they had no pain to begin with, so how can there be less pain now? Another common scenario is for the client not to be able to describe their discomfort or pain. When asked if what they feel is a burning, stabbing or numbing sensation they cannot tell. It can also be challenging to tell if the discomfort is in the lower, upper, front or back of the body, and whether it is felt at certain times of the day and not others, or if and when the sensation changes.
One of the many things that I love about doing massage is to see how these same clients change after several sessions. Clients develop the ability to tell us more as they integrate more.
There are parts of our bodies that we will never be able to see in three dimensions. We will never be able to see our face in three dimensions. Nor will we ever be able to see, in a three dimensional context, our back, the back of our head, our ears, or our eyes. These parts of our bodies may become disconnected and dissociated. This may lead to a belief that what happens in one part of our bodies has nothing to do with what happens in another since the parts are not connected.
Since I cannot connect these seemingly different parts to each other, I also cannot connect seemingly different parts of my life to each other. I may not be able to connect the burning in my stomach to the cup of coffee I have had EVERY morning on an EMPTY stomach instead of breakfast for the past several years.
Although I may connect the cup of coffee to what I believe to be regular bowel movements, I may not connect my need for the cup of coffee to keep me regular, with my habit of eating on the run, not chewing my food efficiently, pushing my food down with a gulp of ice water and the burning sensation behind my shoulder.
Massage has the potential to lessen the discomfort on the shoulder, however, as long as I continue to eat on the run I will also continue to swallow my food without chewing, I will be constipated, I will need the cup of coffee to keep me regular, the burning in my stomach will keep getting worse and the burning at the back of my shoulder will come back.
A description of the possible benefits of receiving massage can be found in any good book on the subject. This would probably mention benefits to the lymphatic system and the circulation of blood, improved digestion and elimination, hormone secretion and joint function. You may also find references to feelings of wellbeing, self-esteem and an ability to cope with stress more efficiently and to experience it less often. All of these are natural and secondary.
In the 13 years that I have been providing massage I have observed another benefit, the one that I consider to be the most important. I like to describe it as a process of integration.
Many of us come to the Holistic Health Practitioner or to the massage table with varying degrees of a lack of this process of integration. Many of us are actually living a daily process of dissociation and disintegration where we learn to “grin and bear it” and that “no pain, no gain”.
Sometimes we need help and we quickly find tools to help us. We learn how nice and easy it is to grin after a drink or two, or after indulging in other guilty pleasures. When it is not alcohol, it is our prescription meds for this and that, or we might self-medicate with dessert, or a good run or a nice smoke, or maybe even sex or aspirin. Anything that will help us to connect with something other than what we are trying to grin and bear at.
We learn how to stay medicated so efficiently that we cannot only ‘grin’ at, we can also ‘bear’ our lives. We have learned to keep our emotions in check, keep our opinions to ourselves, learned to do it and like it, and keep it all inside: if it doesn’t kill us, it will make us stronger. Right? The more we keep inside, the heavier the load we have to bear, and the more tired we become, and the more we hurt from the weight, and the more tings we have to grin and bear at, and the more meds we need and the more side effects.
By the time we come to massage table we don’t even know what hurts. It is common at the beginning of the Client Therapist relationship for many clients to indicate that they have no pain before their first massage. After that first massage that same client will proceed to tell the therapist about all the areas that don’t hurt now or that hurt less. Remember that they had no pain to begin with, so how can there be less pain now? Another common scenario is for the client not to be able to describe their discomfort or pain. When asked if what they feel is a burning, stabbing or numbing sensation they cannot tell. It can also be challenging to tell if the discomfort is in the lower, upper, front or back of the body, and whether it is felt at certain times of the day and not others, or if and when the sensation changes.
One of the many things that I love about doing massage is to see how these same clients change after several sessions. Clients develop the ability to tell us more as they integrate more.
There are parts of our bodies that we will never be able to see in three dimensions. We will never be able to see our face in three dimensions. Nor will we ever be able to see, in a three dimensional context, our back, the back of our head, our ears, or our eyes. These parts of our bodies may become disconnected and dissociated. This may lead to a belief that what happens in one part of our bodies has nothing to do with what happens in another since the parts are not connected.
Since I cannot connect these seemingly different parts to each other, I also cannot connect seemingly different parts of my life to each other. I may not be able to connect the burning in my stomach to the cup of coffee I have had EVERY morning on an EMPTY stomach instead of breakfast for the past several years.
Although I may connect the cup of coffee to what I believe to be regular bowel movements, I may not connect my need for the cup of coffee to keep me regular, with my habit of eating on the run, not chewing my food efficiently, pushing my food down with a gulp of ice water and the burning sensation behind my shoulder.
Massage has the potential to lessen the discomfort on the shoulder, however, as long as I continue to eat on the run I will also continue to swallow my food without chewing, I will be constipated, I will need the cup of coffee to keep me regular, the burning in my stomach will keep getting worse and the burning at the back of my shoulder will come back.
The First Touch
There are people in the world that have had some form of massage every day of their lives. The day they were born, their first contact with mom was a warm loving soothing massage from her. From then on they receive a massage every day. As the baby grows and starts to move, its first movements are during a massage and what develops is a natural process as the baby starts to massage mom.
There are people in the world that will die without ever having had any form of massage. Without ever having had a loving touch. Some of these people have only known abusive touch, or disciplinary touch. Some have only known minimal touch. Some have known empty touch only, the kind that says one thing but the feelings behind that touch say something else. Remember that handshake or that hug that felt ‘empty’?
The word “Massage” is different in many cultures and it seems to imply something similar in most of them. In Spanish we have a word: apapachar. This word is used to describe a tender, loving, cuddling touch as in a loving hug from a mother to her child. Apapachar can also be used to describe a lover’s embrace. In this case the lover’s embrace reminds one of being held in the safe and loving arms of our mother as a child, maybe even the feeling of being in the womb.
According to some sources, ‘apapachar’ is derived from the Nahuatl ‘apapachtli’ meaning someone who touches with the intention and in such a way as to alleviate pain and discomfort, to touch someone consciously and therapeutically. According to these sources, ‘apapachtli’ was the nahuatl word for ‘massage therapist’ and from this we have the word apapachar.
Every time you cuddle up with someone, or embrace or shake hands and you feel that special feeling of comfort and connection you are experiencing the magick of apapacar. Maybe you know how nice it feels to get a really good hug, and also how it feels to receive an empty or fake hug. Maybe you also know how to give these and to whom. What is the difference between these two? The difference is in how you feel after.
Do you hug everyone, or no one? Do you hug some people and not others? Do you hug some one to let them know everything is O.K., or have you ever withheld a hug to show how upset you were?
One of my teachers told me that a Chinese language term popularly translated as ‘massage’ is more accurately taken to mean ‘to touch consciously, with intention and attention, to touch in a knowing way’.
When you look within yourself, you may find that every type of touch you have ever received left an impression in the fabric of your consciousness and in your life. It is like looking back and seeing the footprints in the sand. Some of the impressions are smooth and soft while others are deep and rough, and still others you may not even be aware of.
Massage, conscious touch, therapeutic touch…its all the same. It is touching someone in a way that feels good. And when it is done correctly it feels so good, to both the giver and the receiver that you don’t want it to end.
There are people in the world that have had some form of massage every day of their lives. The day they were born, their first contact with mom was a warm loving soothing massage from her. From then on they receive a massage every day. As the baby grows and starts to move, its first movements are during a massage and what develops is a natural process as the baby starts to massage mom.
There are people in the world that will die without ever having had any form of massage. Without ever having had a loving touch. Some of these people have only known abusive touch, or disciplinary touch. Some have only known minimal touch. Some have known empty touch only, the kind that says one thing but the feelings behind that touch say something else. Remember that handshake or that hug that felt ‘empty’?
The word “Massage” is different in many cultures and it seems to imply something similar in most of them. In Spanish we have a word: apapachar. This word is used to describe a tender, loving, cuddling touch as in a loving hug from a mother to her child. Apapachar can also be used to describe a lover’s embrace. In this case the lover’s embrace reminds one of being held in the safe and loving arms of our mother as a child, maybe even the feeling of being in the womb.
According to some sources, ‘apapachar’ is derived from the Nahuatl ‘apapachtli’ meaning someone who touches with the intention and in such a way as to alleviate pain and discomfort, to touch someone consciously and therapeutically. According to these sources, ‘apapachtli’ was the nahuatl word for ‘massage therapist’ and from this we have the word apapachar.
Every time you cuddle up with someone, or embrace or shake hands and you feel that special feeling of comfort and connection you are experiencing the magick of apapacar. Maybe you know how nice it feels to get a really good hug, and also how it feels to receive an empty or fake hug. Maybe you also know how to give these and to whom. What is the difference between these two? The difference is in how you feel after.
Do you hug everyone, or no one? Do you hug some people and not others? Do you hug some one to let them know everything is O.K., or have you ever withheld a hug to show how upset you were?
One of my teachers told me that a Chinese language term popularly translated as ‘massage’ is more accurately taken to mean ‘to touch consciously, with intention and attention, to touch in a knowing way’.
When you look within yourself, you may find that every type of touch you have ever received left an impression in the fabric of your consciousness and in your life. It is like looking back and seeing the footprints in the sand. Some of the impressions are smooth and soft while others are deep and rough, and still others you may not even be aware of.
Massage, conscious touch, therapeutic touch…its all the same. It is touching someone in a way that feels good. And when it is done correctly it feels so good, to both the giver and the receiver that you don’t want it to end.
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